Life & Times

burning at both ends | day two

I am not an infinite resource.

I am not a giver. My cup does not runneth over with affection or love or anything lying in wait for someone to receive it.

I am selfish.

I’m a bitch.

I am a fierce protector of myself.

I am rarely overwhelmed.

I used to be a person who dreamed impossible dreams, craved the adoration at the top of the mountain, needed to affirm my ability to anything and everything I put my mind to. I used to burn at both ends.

Now, I do not.

I say no.

I disappear.

I walk away.

My life fits in the palm of my hand and I like it that way.

Because it’s never too much.

Day Two of the #30Layers30Days writing challenge by @ggreneewrites on Instagram.

Life & Times

how do i explain | day one

The thing is . . . I’m just not open.

I thought I could be. With a few quick stretches and reflex checks, I realized the muscles still worked. I remembered the steps; could fall easily into the waltz of asking and revealing; enticing from a safe distance.

It was like riding a bike.

Until I said too much.

How do I explain?

I fell into a routine. A self whose lines I’d crafted and memorized years ago. The me I was the last time I did this dance.

And while this new self remains an unanswered question, I know she has no room for the woman who showed up in those conversations.

I’m just not that open anymore.

Day One of the #30Layers30Days writing challenge by @ggreneewrites on Instagram.

Astrology, Life & Times

here comes the sun

The Sun enters Leo tomorrow and I’m… excited? Is that the right word?

That’s the word I’ll go with. Excited.

This matters on the global scale because the Sun going into Leo alleviates some of the *gestures broadly at the state of the world* going on outside.

For me, it matters because the Sun (my patron planet, if you will) will enter the First House of my natal chart: the section that represents the self, life, body, and health; “the focal point for the personality and manner of expression.” [1]

Born under a Leo Ascendant, I’m a big fan of focusing on myself. I probably take “worry about yourself” to an unhealthy extreme, but ’tis the season to straighten that out.

This won’t be an “It’s all about me/self-love” bender with champagne and confetti for the next thirty days. Rather, I’m taking this time to focus on the “centered” part of “self-centered.”

I.e. getting my shit together.

Not to give my self an Extreme Makeover in 30 Days or less–my Don Draper days are behind me–but to ground myself. In this body, at this moment.

Less worrying about myself (being in my head 24/7 about every aspect of my life), more taking care of myself via simple, tangible actions that can build the foundation for better habits.

  • I’ve loosely “done yoga” for the last twelve years. Over the next thirty days, I’m committing to a daily yoga practice with no goal in mind but to hit the mat.
  • More daily movement, period. Whether that’s my 2(ish) mile walks around my neighborhood or parking farther from the door when I go to work/the grocery store.
  • Eating lighter. I’ll never give up my weekend hash or my love of brown rice and whole-grain pasta, but I can balance my portions to include more vegetables and fewer snacks. (Already weeping for my Cheetos White Cheddar Puffs)
  • Drying out for Leo season. My body could use a booze break.
  • More blogging. Because public journaling forces me to slow down and focus and seeing my thoughts mirrored back to me helps me get out of my head.

As you can see, “slow,” “simple,” and “thoughtful” are the themes of the season. Apparently, living in one’s own mind doesn’t make for thoughtful action. Who knew?

This could be my most humble Leo Season yet, but you know? That’s probably appropriate. The Sun doesn’t tell you it’s the Sun. It just shows up every day and does its job.

[1] Houlding, Deborah. “House Rulerships in Practice: The First House.” Skyscript. Accessed 21 July 2020.

*If you follow me on my other social mediums and like tangents, ask me why your Rising Sign/Ascendant is more “you” than your Sun Sign.